I thought you were my fairy tale, a dream when I’m not sleeping - a wish upon a star that’s coming true – Vanessa Hudgens
Do you ever find yourself questioning something that you never thought you’d query? Perhaps you were so immersed in the moment that you forgot to look at the situation rationally, and now you realise that maybe you aren’t in the flawless little bubble that you thought you were in?
That isn’t to say that you don’t love what you are experiencing. There are just less than perfect factors involved that are gradually engulfing and destroying all the reasons for your joy. It can seem impossible to accept these new revelations, but often the first step to being happy again is to try to understand the negatives, thus allowing you to brush them away and start afresh.
But what happens when the bad points outweigh the good ones, or when you begin to suspect that you are, in fact, the cause of them. That’s a lot for one individual to have on their conscience, and often you can’t even discuss it, because the person you should explain your feelings to is the one that these thoughts are being derived from.
It’s a difficult thing to do, to watch someone inflict suffering on themselves and to not leap in to stop them. It seems to be popular opinion that often the best course of action is the simply let them make mistakes, and then hopefully they will learn and thus will be able to better solve the problem in the future. But what if that mistake isn’t just failing a test, or falling off a chair. What if it’s something much more damaging? Because essentially, eventually you could let someone make the mistake that ruins their life. There comes a point where you have to take action, but what if that ruins everything that you have built? Are you prepared to give it up to potentially make them happier? On the off chance that it could make their sky a little less dark?
However, what happens if you are the crutches holding them up? You take that away and everything crumples, thus furthering the destruction. How can you tell if you are the reason for a problem, or the only thing stopping it worsening? But you can’t ask for fear of causing pain, or hurt, or insult. Do you continue on your current path? Or take a different one? And in addition to that, it's so hard, and so draining propping someone else up. It isn't being resentful, saying that. It's a fact. And if you're feeling unhappy, tired and drained, how are you supposed to support someone else? You're hardly going to be providing the help that they need.
I don’t know, life seems to be so full of ‘buts’ and ‘what ifs’. But every once in a while I guess we should all take a risk and just go with our gut instinct. Although what we are to do if we have no clue in the slightest, I am not sure…
Tuesday 16 June 2009
Tuesday 28 April 2009
[Perfection]
Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing - Harriet Braiker
TOM IS PERFECT
Perfection. So many strive to reach it, but essentially we must ask ourselves if it’s even possible…
When we think of something as being perfect, it is what we perceive to be flawless, however, perfection itself has its flaws. How often do you meet a person who others can only describe to be amazing. According to everyone else, there is nothing bad about this individual. But the mere sight of them makes your blood boil because they’re so irritatingly perfect, surely this makes them imperfect?
On Facebook, there are copious adverts down the sides of the page marketing products and cosmetic surgery, a lot of which claim to give ‘perfection’. This worries me a lot, as it seems to me that more and more people are being encouraged to strive for this unattainable goal to be flawless. Perfect.
This brings me to another point. Does one have to be perfect to be beautiful? All these advertisements appear to be promoting perfection in the name of beauty, and it just seems wrong. How can we expect women to believe that they’re pretty and attractive when as soon as they open up their Facebook account, they are confronted by promotions offering breast enlargements and methods for quick weight loss, all of which can push people into self doubt, ultimately leading to low self esteem and other issues.
On the other hand, it could be argued that people should take whatever measures they feel necessary in order to make themselves happy, and if this is reaching what they see as perfection then so be it. But ultimately, how far should one go to attain their ideal? If it's detrimental to either them, or anyone else, then should it still be condoned?
It's an interesting concept, perfection. It's so subjective - we all have such different ideas as to what defines it - yet essentially it is so utterly unobtainable, and thus why I believe it to be so wrong that the commercial world manipulates people into believing otherwise...
TOM IS PERFECT
Perfection. So many strive to reach it, but essentially we must ask ourselves if it’s even possible…
When we think of something as being perfect, it is what we perceive to be flawless, however, perfection itself has its flaws. How often do you meet a person who others can only describe to be amazing. According to everyone else, there is nothing bad about this individual. But the mere sight of them makes your blood boil because they’re so irritatingly perfect, surely this makes them imperfect?
On Facebook, there are copious adverts down the sides of the page marketing products and cosmetic surgery, a lot of which claim to give ‘perfection’. This worries me a lot, as it seems to me that more and more people are being encouraged to strive for this unattainable goal to be flawless. Perfect.
This brings me to another point. Does one have to be perfect to be beautiful? All these advertisements appear to be promoting perfection in the name of beauty, and it just seems wrong. How can we expect women to believe that they’re pretty and attractive when as soon as they open up their Facebook account, they are confronted by promotions offering breast enlargements and methods for quick weight loss, all of which can push people into self doubt, ultimately leading to low self esteem and other issues.
On the other hand, it could be argued that people should take whatever measures they feel necessary in order to make themselves happy, and if this is reaching what they see as perfection then so be it. But ultimately, how far should one go to attain their ideal? If it's detrimental to either them, or anyone else, then should it still be condoned?
It's an interesting concept, perfection. It's so subjective - we all have such different ideas as to what defines it - yet essentially it is so utterly unobtainable, and thus why I believe it to be so wrong that the commercial world manipulates people into believing otherwise...
Friday 24 April 2009
[Loneliness]
The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved – Mother Teresa
I think that one of the most horrible feelings in the world is loneliness. Having no one to turn to, and feeling as though no one cares. In reality it may not be the case, you might actually be surrounded by people who are desperate to help, yet it’s impossible to let them in.
The lonelier you become, the higher you build the wall around yourself, but just occasionally you might find that special person who can knock it down. However, what happens when that person discovers the real you and doesn’t love you anymore. What are you supposed to do then? Essentially, does that mean you should hide away even more, ashamed of whom you are?
Often, I’m of the opinion that people feel the most alone when they are in a crowd; milling around amongst others they know, but having no sense of belonging. Just thinking about those feelings of sheer and utter loneliness seems almost too much to bear.
I believe that often, those who are lonely detach themselves emotionally from people for fear of being hurt, although ultimately, this actually ends up destroying them all the more. But I think they see it that it’s worse to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. That in itself is something to be discussed, but I’ll leave it for another day.
I don’t know, loneliness is strange. It’s one of those emotions that so often, people drag themselves down into, yet can’t get away from. It’s soul-destroying thinking how easy it can be to slip into that deep, dark abyss, and how many people every day just feel so inexplicably empty inside. Make sure you always have a ‘someone’, and remember that no matter what, you will always be loved, and you will never be alone…
I think that one of the most horrible feelings in the world is loneliness. Having no one to turn to, and feeling as though no one cares. In reality it may not be the case, you might actually be surrounded by people who are desperate to help, yet it’s impossible to let them in.
The lonelier you become, the higher you build the wall around yourself, but just occasionally you might find that special person who can knock it down. However, what happens when that person discovers the real you and doesn’t love you anymore. What are you supposed to do then? Essentially, does that mean you should hide away even more, ashamed of whom you are?
Often, I’m of the opinion that people feel the most alone when they are in a crowd; milling around amongst others they know, but having no sense of belonging. Just thinking about those feelings of sheer and utter loneliness seems almost too much to bear.
I believe that often, those who are lonely detach themselves emotionally from people for fear of being hurt, although ultimately, this actually ends up destroying them all the more. But I think they see it that it’s worse to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. That in itself is something to be discussed, but I’ll leave it for another day.
I don’t know, loneliness is strange. It’s one of those emotions that so often, people drag themselves down into, yet can’t get away from. It’s soul-destroying thinking how easy it can be to slip into that deep, dark abyss, and how many people every day just feel so inexplicably empty inside. Make sure you always have a ‘someone’, and remember that no matter what, you will always be loved, and you will never be alone…
Friday 10 April 2009
[Strength]
It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more manhood to abide by thought out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind - Alex Karras
There are so many people in my life that I admire, and it isn’t because they never make any mistakes, but rather because of the fighting spirit they get afterwards. However, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what defines strength – whether it is never displaying weakness, or not being afraid to show it. As in, who is stronger, one who does not let themselves need anyone for fear of being hurt, or a person who opens up to the world, trusting that no one will let them down?
With anything, people will always have a point at which they can take no more, as in there will come a point where they stop doing or believing in something because they have failed in it too many times. Whether it is love, school or helping someone, there’s only so much that any one individual can do, and when we’ve done all that we feel is possible, it seems the logical thing is to give up. But surely it’s only weak people who stop trying. People who can’t find it in themselves to give that little bit more, or go that extra mile.
I also believe that much of the time; it actually takes a lot more power to not do something than to do it. For example when helping a friend, I think the hardest thing is to actually step back and let them make their own mistakes, and ultimately this is sometimes the best thing you can do for a person because the less you do for them, the more they have to do for themselves and thus the more responsibility they must take for their own actions. Similarly, if you want to do something, but you know it is not necessarily the right path of go down, does it show more strength of character to do what it is you want to do or what is the right thing to do? Because we all know that the easiest route isn’t always the best one.
While thinking about people just as individuals, if a person is afraid of getting close to another for fear of being hurt and so gives off airs of independence and confidence does that make them weak or strong? Because I would have thought that one who is able to live on their own two feet without needing anyone else is a strong person. On the other hand people may not always be how they appear. Someone may come across as the happiest person in the world, but in actual fact there is a lot more going on under the radar. Is someone who keeps it to themselves stronger than a person who can talk about it and face the problem? Is a person who trusts no one weaker or stronger than one who trusts everyone?
This really is something that is bothering me a lot at the moment. I seem to be zoning out increasingly often, and I think I just need some answers. I want to know what makes someone a strong person, and whether it’s ok to let people see you vulnerable at times; I’m debating whether continuing fighting something is worth it, or whether actually just listening to words of wisdom and packing it in would be the best course of action. It’s all well and truly pickled, any thoughts?
There are so many people in my life that I admire, and it isn’t because they never make any mistakes, but rather because of the fighting spirit they get afterwards. However, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what defines strength – whether it is never displaying weakness, or not being afraid to show it. As in, who is stronger, one who does not let themselves need anyone for fear of being hurt, or a person who opens up to the world, trusting that no one will let them down?
With anything, people will always have a point at which they can take no more, as in there will come a point where they stop doing or believing in something because they have failed in it too many times. Whether it is love, school or helping someone, there’s only so much that any one individual can do, and when we’ve done all that we feel is possible, it seems the logical thing is to give up. But surely it’s only weak people who stop trying. People who can’t find it in themselves to give that little bit more, or go that extra mile.
I also believe that much of the time; it actually takes a lot more power to not do something than to do it. For example when helping a friend, I think the hardest thing is to actually step back and let them make their own mistakes, and ultimately this is sometimes the best thing you can do for a person because the less you do for them, the more they have to do for themselves and thus the more responsibility they must take for their own actions. Similarly, if you want to do something, but you know it is not necessarily the right path of go down, does it show more strength of character to do what it is you want to do or what is the right thing to do? Because we all know that the easiest route isn’t always the best one.
While thinking about people just as individuals, if a person is afraid of getting close to another for fear of being hurt and so gives off airs of independence and confidence does that make them weak or strong? Because I would have thought that one who is able to live on their own two feet without needing anyone else is a strong person. On the other hand people may not always be how they appear. Someone may come across as the happiest person in the world, but in actual fact there is a lot more going on under the radar. Is someone who keeps it to themselves stronger than a person who can talk about it and face the problem? Is a person who trusts no one weaker or stronger than one who trusts everyone?
This really is something that is bothering me a lot at the moment. I seem to be zoning out increasingly often, and I think I just need some answers. I want to know what makes someone a strong person, and whether it’s ok to let people see you vulnerable at times; I’m debating whether continuing fighting something is worth it, or whether actually just listening to words of wisdom and packing it in would be the best course of action. It’s all well and truly pickled, any thoughts?
[Decisions]
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live - Flora Whittemore
Increasingly, I am finding that the decisions I am making are the wrong ones. Or even if they are technically right, it seems to be for the wrong reasons; and as Governor Weatherby Swann says in Pirates of the Caribbean, 'even a good decision if made for the wrong reasons can be a wrong decision'.
So what happens when we make a choice that’s not the one for us, or how do we even identify a right decision from one that isn’t? Is it wrong to do something simply because it is what someone else wants from us? I think most of us would agree that the answer is no. But what happens when these people have our ‘best interests’ at heart? Should we still do what we want instead?
Furthermore, there may be circumstances when we make certain decisions because we think it is what is expected of us. Whilst it may not ultimately be what we want, and no one is physically forcing us to do it, we still make ourselves take that path for no other reason than not wanting to let someone down. Perhaps we come from a family which is very sports orientated, but our passion lies in art. Instead of taking art, we take PE. It may be pleasing our family, but at the end of the day, will we really perform to the best of our ability doing something that isn’t truly where our enthusiasm lies?
The same goes for friends. Just because all our friends have done something, does that mean we should follow suit purely to conform? There must come a point at which we have to be selfish and make decisions based on what is right for us, and us alone.
But for some people, it might be too late. Perhaps they are now stuck on a path that will take them a certain way and it’s too late to back out. What about them? Why should they be stuck pleasing someone else for the rest of their life? It isn’t fair, and it isn’t right…
Increasingly, I am finding that the decisions I am making are the wrong ones. Or even if they are technically right, it seems to be for the wrong reasons; and as Governor Weatherby Swann says in Pirates of the Caribbean, 'even a good decision if made for the wrong reasons can be a wrong decision'.
So what happens when we make a choice that’s not the one for us, or how do we even identify a right decision from one that isn’t? Is it wrong to do something simply because it is what someone else wants from us? I think most of us would agree that the answer is no. But what happens when these people have our ‘best interests’ at heart? Should we still do what we want instead?
Furthermore, there may be circumstances when we make certain decisions because we think it is what is expected of us. Whilst it may not ultimately be what we want, and no one is physically forcing us to do it, we still make ourselves take that path for no other reason than not wanting to let someone down. Perhaps we come from a family which is very sports orientated, but our passion lies in art. Instead of taking art, we take PE. It may be pleasing our family, but at the end of the day, will we really perform to the best of our ability doing something that isn’t truly where our enthusiasm lies?
The same goes for friends. Just because all our friends have done something, does that mean we should follow suit purely to conform? There must come a point at which we have to be selfish and make decisions based on what is right for us, and us alone.
But for some people, it might be too late. Perhaps they are now stuck on a path that will take them a certain way and it’s too late to back out. What about them? Why should they be stuck pleasing someone else for the rest of their life? It isn’t fair, and it isn’t right…
[Helping]
Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds - George Eliot
This may seem a fairly odd topic to discuss, but the concept of helping another is somewhat troubling me. Possibly the most important query that I have, is how do we know we are actually doing good? For example, when we donate a sum of money to a third world country, we believe we're helping them, do we not? But ultimately, will that money ever be enough? Realistically, probably not. It's possible that a better alternative would be to provide these countries with fair trading standards. Give them a fair price for the materials they produce. At the end of the day, that will give them a way of sustaining themselves. Similarly, if a country is in dire need of water, we seem to merely ship in vast quanties to water. Surely a more helpful alternative would be to give them the tools, and teach them to build their own wells. But then whilst this seems like a good theory, building wells is impossible for 70-80% of non industrialised Africa/Asia.
Another case in point is voluntary work. If you are raising X amount of money in order to enable you to visit a poorer country and 'help', would it not be more beneficial to give them that money to employ someone local to do the job? Not only would these people know the area better, but it would also help the country economically, giving more people jobs and thus lowering the unemployment rates.
Bringing this topic closer to home, let us take the example of an alcholic. If you are trying to help someone suffering from alcoholism, is dragging them to therapy every week actually in their best interests? Sure, in the short term it may prevent them from further liver damage, but in the long run, is this really helping them? The more you do for someone, the less they have to do for themself, and thus the question arises of whether you're actually doing good. Perhaps sometimes people need to be allowed to make mistakes before they can change.
Another issue, is that it seems to be common belief that when helping people, the point at which it becomes detrimental to you, it stops benefiting them. I don't fully understand this. If the person needs to talk, then it doesn't matter how much it is affecting you because it is still being of help to them. Perhaps you are the one person whom they can trust, and therefore how is not listening to them purely because it is damaging you not helping them still? We were all put on this earth to provide a service. Every person, no matter who they are, provides a service of some kind. Therefore if someone is seeming to be in need of our assistance, who are we to deny it them?
I dont know, I find it an interesting concept - how we can actually help someone. I think a lot of the time it's something which needs to be played by ear. Once again, should you have any thoughts on the content of this entry, feel free to leave comments...
This may seem a fairly odd topic to discuss, but the concept of helping another is somewhat troubling me. Possibly the most important query that I have, is how do we know we are actually doing good? For example, when we donate a sum of money to a third world country, we believe we're helping them, do we not? But ultimately, will that money ever be enough? Realistically, probably not. It's possible that a better alternative would be to provide these countries with fair trading standards. Give them a fair price for the materials they produce. At the end of the day, that will give them a way of sustaining themselves. Similarly, if a country is in dire need of water, we seem to merely ship in vast quanties to water. Surely a more helpful alternative would be to give them the tools, and teach them to build their own wells. But then whilst this seems like a good theory, building wells is impossible for 70-80% of non industrialised Africa/Asia.
Another case in point is voluntary work. If you are raising X amount of money in order to enable you to visit a poorer country and 'help', would it not be more beneficial to give them that money to employ someone local to do the job? Not only would these people know the area better, but it would also help the country economically, giving more people jobs and thus lowering the unemployment rates.
Bringing this topic closer to home, let us take the example of an alcholic. If you are trying to help someone suffering from alcoholism, is dragging them to therapy every week actually in their best interests? Sure, in the short term it may prevent them from further liver damage, but in the long run, is this really helping them? The more you do for someone, the less they have to do for themself, and thus the question arises of whether you're actually doing good. Perhaps sometimes people need to be allowed to make mistakes before they can change.
Another issue, is that it seems to be common belief that when helping people, the point at which it becomes detrimental to you, it stops benefiting them. I don't fully understand this. If the person needs to talk, then it doesn't matter how much it is affecting you because it is still being of help to them. Perhaps you are the one person whom they can trust, and therefore how is not listening to them purely because it is damaging you not helping them still? We were all put on this earth to provide a service. Every person, no matter who they are, provides a service of some kind. Therefore if someone is seeming to be in need of our assistance, who are we to deny it them?
I dont know, I find it an interesting concept - how we can actually help someone. I think a lot of the time it's something which needs to be played by ear. Once again, should you have any thoughts on the content of this entry, feel free to leave comments...
[To All Those Who Believe In The Enormity Of Love]
When you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams - Dr Seuss
To begin this entry, I'd like to use a quote from the film 'Love Actually', which I think sums up the message I would like to convey within this blog.
'Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around'
I'd like to firstly clarify that contrary to what I tend to claim, I am actually not a complete love hater. I think I am merely bitter over the fact that I have no one to love. As I mentioned in one of my previous entries, I do believe it must take a lot to give someone the absolute power to destroy you, but my best friend said to me that when you find someone that you love and who loves you back, it is actually the best feeling in the world.
When I look around me, so many of my friends are inexplicably happy with the people they're with. And a lot of them have been with those people for a long time. Perhaps statistics do show that the number of marriages ending in hurt and divorce are on the increase, but when I see an eldery couple holding hands in the park, that gives me hope.
So it turns out I am a hopeless romantic, waiting for the perfect man to sweep me off my feet. I hope he exists...I really do, because at the moment, whilst I destroy every potential relationship on the basis that I won't get hurt, in actual fact I'm just hurting myself more...
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her...
This entry is dedicated to James Taylor and Alasdair Mackenzie who truly love eachother
To begin this entry, I'd like to use a quote from the film 'Love Actually', which I think sums up the message I would like to convey within this blog.
'Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around'
I'd like to firstly clarify that contrary to what I tend to claim, I am actually not a complete love hater. I think I am merely bitter over the fact that I have no one to love. As I mentioned in one of my previous entries, I do believe it must take a lot to give someone the absolute power to destroy you, but my best friend said to me that when you find someone that you love and who loves you back, it is actually the best feeling in the world.
When I look around me, so many of my friends are inexplicably happy with the people they're with. And a lot of them have been with those people for a long time. Perhaps statistics do show that the number of marriages ending in hurt and divorce are on the increase, but when I see an eldery couple holding hands in the park, that gives me hope.
So it turns out I am a hopeless romantic, waiting for the perfect man to sweep me off my feet. I hope he exists...I really do, because at the moment, whilst I destroy every potential relationship on the basis that I won't get hurt, in actual fact I'm just hurting myself more...
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her...
This entry is dedicated to James Taylor and Alasdair Mackenzie who truly love eachother
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